I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize