My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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