when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
