everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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