I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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