they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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