Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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