I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
