I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
