there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
