M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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