Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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