Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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