I'm lost and stupid without you.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I wear drunk well.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
