they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
