I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't turn off my feet"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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