WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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