I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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