If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
