We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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