she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Shame - the story of my life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
