Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
