Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
