her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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