RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
pray to the hookup gods
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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