this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
