Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
