Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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