I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
