And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
