I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
