Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
