I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
