She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize