if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
