You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
