3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
