People in love make me want to vomit
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
