The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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