We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
