Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize