I want to stick my p in your. b.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
