Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
