The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
