how can u be prego again
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
