You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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