Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
