Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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