She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
