The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
