So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize