clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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