just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
