thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
