I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
