im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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