i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
