He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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