i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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