That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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