You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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