you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
