is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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