You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
