This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
