I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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