please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Randomize
