Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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