super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
